Like I said before, I personally don't care that much but it's almost always the ppl around us that influence how we think of ourselves. Yeah, blame the ppl, hahaha. See, if ppl have even nicknames of 'Gemok', 'Mok', or 'Gom Gom' dedicated for you, called you everyday by them, how can you not be influenced. Even if we're as hard as steel, some part of ourselves still somehow wanted to surrender to those kind of bad things ppl say to us. (Now, blame ourselves for putting on the white flag, haha)
I don't always like to be thin. I'm happy to have some fat on me, some ok? Some only, haha. I go for moderation. Not to be without & not to be 'swallowed' by the fat. (swallowed?seriously?)
I don't like seeing myself as a very thin person. I'd been very very thin before back then when I was doing my matriculation. Rasa macam melayang je, tak best. Whenever I accidentally run into ppl, I'll fall. & most of my colleagues think that I had some sort of chronic disease that I had to be warded or whatever.
Truth bout the ppl is, many think that being thin is healthy which in actuality isn't necessarily the case. Pernah dengar 'kurus diluar, gemuk didalam...'?... Of course, you may feel like being complimented everytime ppl pass by in shocked face saying, "Weyh, dah kuruslah!...", but somehow, huh, I dunno. Tak puas sebenaqnya kalau kita mengkuruskan diri sebab desakan & cacian2 orang, it must come from ourselves.
So, my ideal body shape is to have lean muscle & some fat on it. At least, it'll keep me warm when it's cold out there, right?... & I think ppl who're not afraid to have some fat does actually look cuter than those thin ppl. (tak bukan saya lah, orang lain, haha)
I might not care of having fat on me, but for now, I might have to change things a bit, slow down a bit. Because when the ppl starts to not being able to recognize you, that really means something. To be told, "Eh, ang dah gemuk lah!" isn't hurting you, but to be given second glimpse to be recognized is just sad. Kalau sampai orang yg jumpa tiap2 hari dah tak boleh cam kita, tu maksudnya memang dah teruk sangat lah kegemukan, haha.
Hmm, how am I going to do this?... Actually, tell ya, I've been changing my body weight & body shape for many times that some of my friends started to call me Kelly Clarkson. Asal2 dulu waktu kecik sampai lower form sekolah menengah, I'm stable, tak kurus sangat, tak gemuk jugak. But ever since the upper form when I surround myself with friends who eat a lot & the hostel cafeteria serving you food for 6 times per day, I became fat, like very very fat, like I put on another 30 kg of weight on me. Gila! Haha... Then, masuk matriculation, I became very very thin. Masuk undergraduate degree, berat naik balik. Then, jogging tiap2 petang, turun. Then, jumpa geng2 suka makan, naik balik. Then, pi gym for 1 year turun balik. Then, naik balik, jadilah macam sekarang.
Argh! I need motivation! I must do something!... Bad old behaviours gotta go!...
|I definitely don't look like that anymore currently...|